Big D's Redneck Jokes

You’re a redneck if you think the stock market has a fence around it.

You’re a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

You’re a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You’re a redneck if you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You’re a redneck if you take family portraits by running red lights.

You’re a redneck if your fire alarm is a Jiffy Pop popping pan hanging from the ceiling.

You’re a redneck if you take a six-pack cooler to church.

You’re a redneck if your family tree has no forks.

You’re a redneck if your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”

You’re a redneck if you’ve ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, “For a good time, call…”

You’re a redneck if you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took!

You’re a redneck if your whole family is Democrats ‘cept for little Mary. She lernt how to read.

You’re a redneck if you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay!

You’re a redneck if the people on the Jerry Springer Show remind you of your family!

You’re a redneck if your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed!

You’re a redneck if your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can’t touch it ’til she’s 16.

You’re a redneck if your father uses the “Pull my finger” trick during Thanksgiving dinner!

You’re a redneck if you believe dual air bags are referring to your wife and mother-in-law!

You’re a redneck if you have more than one brother named Darryl!

You’re a redneck if you think the OJ Trial was a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test!

You’re a redneck if you think a subdivision is part of a math problem!

You’re a redneck if you think there’s nothing wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family!

You’re a redneck if you and your dog use the same tree!

You’re a redneck if you think God looks like Hank Williams Jr., and heaven looks like Daytona Beach, Florida!

You’re a redneck if you think possum is “the other white meat!”

You’re a redneck if you brought a fishing pole into Sea World!

You’re a redneck if you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right of it’s wheels!

You’re a redneck if you think safe sex is a padded headboard!

You’re a redneck if you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, “Gentlemen, start your engines!”

You’re a redneck if you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws!

You’re a redneck if your state has a new law that says when a couple gets divorced, they are still legally brother and sister!

You’re a redneck if your house still has the “WIDE LOAD” sign on the back!